In his life-quest to have the greatest, most popular web site on the net, the man behind the huge corporate desk from the head offices of this very own home page, (where was I going with this.....oh yes,) has employed the services of all-round industrial espionage type 14 year old top bloke Luke 'Gibbon' Westoby to infiltrate behind the ever increasing danger that is the front lines of today's teenage youth, or 'The T-files' as they shall be known hereafter. So, in Mr.Dave type-blokes bid to conquer the Internet, there will be this new regular spot, your connection to the 'Wolf-In-Sheep's-Clothing' type-world of the 'Minors'. We are not what we seem, WE ARE AMONG YOU...... Luke Westoby - underpaid article writer for Dave, site owner...
Most typical games released these days are FMV interactive types, like Wing Commander 4, or the recent Ripper, and the others are texture-mapped graphic adventures, that have top graphics, but are really shallow and, like, mind-numbingly boring, like Lost Eden, etceteras. So, is there a future to the gaming industry that we can look forward to? What happened to top games like Joust, and Paradroid? But, there is some hope for the gamers out there! Yes, the minority of games out there are pretty good, for instance, Killer Instinct 2, Time Crisis (with its excellent VERY realistic gun, find Brighton pier, you'll see!) and the raah-worthy 'Duke Nuke 'Em 3D,' go buy it NOW! What about Doom clones, good? Bad? Or are they just games that appeal to our unquenchable thirst to kill with big guns a-blazin'? Whatever you think, I REALLY enjoy shooting the guts out of a evil git blokey with a very meaty shotgun, and then executing the scum in a pool of his own blood, watching with glee as his brain explodes and his eyeballs pop out, bloooooood everywhere, ludicrous gibs! Gore, blood, ha ha ha ha hhhaaaah! Great fun! If that appealed to you, go and buy Rise Of The Triads, a top game indeed! GAMES...
WHAT IS THE FUTURE?
Anyway, I conclude that every-so-often a game will come out that makes up for all the boring non-action packed games, and I would like to ask that all the computer companies out there that are making crap 'interactive' games, stop, and make something that doesn't bore us to death, and to take some leaves out of other companies books, like Namco, Nintendo and ID/Apogee, etcetera.
This is me signing of now, so I'll leave you with my review of 'Duke Nuke 'Em 3D' (any companies who want to send me exclusive games to review, get hold of Dave, the web site owner) and I'll be back in a couple of weeks.
DUKE NUKE 'EM 3D
BY:3D REALMS
TYPE:1ST PERSON BLAST 'EM UP
PC:486 DX2 66 OR HIGHER (RECOMMENDED)This is a game of the likes that you will probably only see once every couple of years, i.e. a good game that keeps you thinking, firing, ducking, jumping, and crawling through air-vents. (After kicking them in of course!) it has some good puzzles, excellent weapons, and top graphics and sound! (Check out the speech!) This game is jam packed full of secrets, cocoons of women and adult content, (go find the cinema, porn screens, and dancing girls that reveal all !!!!!) and best of all it has pipe bombs that you throw around corners and then detonate manually, RRRAAAAAHHHHH!! Burn some bacon !!!!! Deathmatch it and lose your life, friends and family ! Go get it!!!!!
Scorecard:
- GRAPHICS 94%
- SOUND 90%
- PLOT 80%
- PLAYABILITY 96%
- SATISFACTION 95%
- ORIGINALITY 85%
- WEAPONS 97%
- OVERALL 96 %
ARMAGEDDON by Luke Westoby